keatonrwarner:

Typhoon- The Honest Truth

Best thing to come out of my hometown. 

(Source: playingmelancholy)

Turn up the volume and expand your view!

I’m fascinated with this woman because she’s got a lot of things I don’t have: an amazing sense of style, an incredible NYC apartment, that bangin’ British accent, and most importantly… MONEY!

newyorker:

This week in the magazine, Rebecca Mead profiles Daphne Guinness, who “has been variously described in the press as an heiress, a muse, a socialite, a designer, and an artist.” In this video, Guinness gives a rare tour of her New York City apartment and shows readers the things that inspire her.

Love this! Maybe, one day (in the not too distant future), there will be a picture of a little girl here…

life:

Aw, shucks. Guess who? —  (If it wasn’t obvious enough…) It’s a little Bill Clinton.

Click through this gallery to take a look at some more Lil Presidents.

Gonna change this depressing blog by making an effort to be more positive.  Life’s too short!  Speaking of which, I think I need to shorten these posts too! 

I don’t think I’ve ever really SEEN the “BIG picture” as far as my goals and aspirations were concerned because I could never figure out what I wanted my life to BE.  I always looked for someone to anchor myself to and would go from there, making THEM my priority and losing myself in the process.  It’s been a really deflating realization, at the age of 55, to look at myself in the state I’m in and to know that I’M responsible.  I have no one to blame but myself.

Been waking up between 3 and 4 a.m. most days in a panic.  I look at the clock and can’t believe what the time is.  

First thought:  OMG, it’s 3 a.m.!  Go back to sleep!  

Second thought:  I’ve got to find a job!  

Third thought:  My car is going to be repossessed!  

Fourth thought:  Why bother.  No one is going to hire me, anyway.  

Fourth thought:  Stop with the defeatist attitude!  You WON’T find a job if you don’t even try!   

I’ve now been unemployed from my seven month temp job for the U.S. Census Bureau since August 14th of this year where I scraped by making approximately $450 a week.  Since then, in total, I’ve made approximately $1500 (compared to the $4500 a month I made three years ago at my corporate job).  I’ve been doing anything I can - office temp work, movie extra work and even house cleaning but I’ve obviously not worked enough because I’m two months behind.  I have not paid my rent, made a payment on my car loan or paid numerous other bills since October.  I’ve borrowed minimal amounts of money from a friend who is all tapped out, now, and doesn’t even call me anymore.  I am absolutely terrified.  

Been waking up between 3 and 4 a.m. most days in a panic.  I look at the clock and can’t believe what the time is.  

First thought:  OMG, it’s 3 a.m.!  Go back to sleep!  

Second thought:  I’ve got to find a job!  

Third thought:  My car is going to be repossessed!  

Fourth thought:  Why bother.  No one is going to hire me, anyway.  

Fourth thought:  Stop with the defeatist attitude!  You WON’T find a job if you don’t even try!   

I’ve now been unemployed from my seven month temp job for the U.S. Census Bureau since August 14th of this year where I scraped by making approximately $450 a week.  Since then, in total, I’ve made approximately $1500 (compared to the $4500 a month I made three years ago at my corporate job).  I’ve been doing anything I can - office temp work, movie extra work and even house cleaning but I’ve obviously not worked enough because I’m two months behind.  I have not paid my rent, made a payment on my car loan or paid numerous other bills since October.  I’ve borrowed minimal amounts of money, for necessities like food and gas, from a friend who is all tapped out now and doesn’t even call me anymore.  I am absolutely terrified.  

Damn!  Not sleeping much but what else is new?  I wake up exhausted on a pretty regular basis, feeling like I’ve been up all night.  I pass out at 10 or 11 p.m. but then I’m up at 2 or 3 a.m.  Inevitably, the moment I open my eyes, I realize that a conversation is already going on in my head that’s probably been going on while I was sleeping.  I guess when the clocks are turned back tomorrow morning I’ll be up at 1 a.m. with an extra hour for journaling, blogging, etc.  I’m SO excited!   I’ll sleep when I’m DEAD.

Sitting here listening to the rain.  It’s a dark dreary day.  I LOVE it!  Wondering when I’ll ever work again.  Wondering where I’ll be in another month.  Living day to day, literally.  I’m one of those unemployed who hasn’t been able to collect unemployment because I QUIT my job three years ago.  I was moving to Las Vegas and was under the impression that there was an abundance of work.  Can’t remember where I got THAT idea but was I ever misinformed.  Got to Las Vegas and didn’t start the job hunt for a few months because I thought I’d get something in no time.  I just wanted to relax for awhile before getting back into the workforce because I’d worked for six years straight at my corporate job without a real vacation and had burned myself out.  Well, it took me five months to land a three-month temp job that paid a few dollars more than what I paid my kids babysitter fifteen years earlier.  Did THAT job ever knock me down a few notches!  They let me go three months later.  I tried but couldn’t get an interview with ANYONE for several months after THAT so I made the decision to get my butt back to CT, thinking that it HAD to be better here.  Ha!  The joke was on ME!  It was a few months after the banks got bailed out and the economy was in free-fall.  I’ve been in free fall ever since…

I’ve been reading my journal from the 70’s when I was drinking.  It seems that I went from one guy to the next, always thinking that this one was IT.  Boy, was I ever disillusioned.  I kept thinking that some GUY was going to fix me.  Finally, when I was able to get myself on the right path, I realized that no ONE person could ever fix me but me.  Even with that knowledge, I still couldn’t get it together enough to have a true vision for myself.  I’m not talking about projecting.  I’m talking about getting serious, setting goals and looking ahead to where I aspire to be ten or twenty years from where I was back in the 80’s.  I was always too carried away by the moment.

Just finished watching the third season of Mad Men last night. I’m a season behind so I’ve been catching up with Netflix. The characters are so shut down. They’re constantly doing the “right thing” and having to look good while they’re doing it. Betty Draper finally realizes that she doesn’t love Don and she may never have. He’s in TOTAL denial because that’s how he’s constructed his life. He totally compartmentalizes everything. Everything is fine or will be. It made me think of my childhood, my mother, my recent conversation with an old boyfriend from over 30 years ago, my daughters accident, the direction my life has taken, etc.  It’s pretty depressing and I totally identify.

Movin’, Movin’ Me Up.  Every step is Movin’ Me Up

What the hell am I STILL doing in the suburbs? I am SO outta place here! I’m stuck in an alternate universe but I WILL get myself outta here. I just KNOW I will!

Yesterday was another day of trying to find my way out of this dark hole.  I swear, I’m stuck in some alternate universe.